It’s weird to say, but now’s the time to masturbate your damn face off. With the pandemic in full swing, we have more time on our hands than ever before. We also can’t (or rather, shouldn’t) be meeting up with DomTopDaddy87 on dating apps for an anon pounding. (Don’t worry, the time will come up again, and lord knows DomTopDaddy87 is literally always looking on every gay hookup app in existence.)
While we’re social distancing, we’re likely experiencing the “apocalyptic hornies,” which is just a fancy way of saying that all this celibacy, boredom, and worldly chaos is making us incredibly horny. Since we can’t (again, shouldn’t) be meeting up with new sexual partners, we should take this time to masturbate. Now we don’t just mean a quick five-min jerk while you’re lying on your back, the same way you always do.
The best way to really explore with masturbation? Sex toys! So we have provided a list of the best sex toys for every occasion — ones for bottoms, tops, and the elusive vers queen. (And of course, if you’re bottoming with these bad boys — as you should be — you still want to be clean and ready. You’re not trying to cut your masturbation session short with that oh-so-familiar, unpleasant smell, so make sure to take your Pure for Men supplements daily, even while in quarantine!)
We are a huge fan of vibrators and anal beads. In out opinion, vibrations are the biggest strength of sex toys, especially since your partner can’t vibrate on their own. We also think internal vibrations feel divine — a true gift from the anal gods is here. We also love the sensation you get from removing the beads the moment you climax. That “popping” really enhances your orgasm.
Okay, so we actually have this bad boy just made our goddamn day. The premise of the toy is that it feels so good, so similar to IRL sex, that you can use the device to practice lasting longer. A lofty claim, and while it doesn’t feel as good as real sex, it feels pretty damn close.
When we learned there was a butt plug that actually stimulates the sensation of rimming, we audibly squealed. To our knowledge, it’s the only butt plug you can have inside of you that also feels like a tongue is licking your anus. This is it, boys! What you’ve been waiting for. Your prayers have been answered. We have the XL version (~hair flip~) but note that it does come in three sizes, so no matter your level of bottoming experience, you can enjoy!
We like a good vibrating cock ring. There are some cock rings out there that cost upwards of $150 and feel the same as this guy. I promise you, it gets the job done with its strong vibrations and tight (but not too tight) grip.
Hey big spender! If you’re looking for an absolutely beautiful, heavy cock ring then check out this collection. Yes, they cost around $300, but they’re made with high-quality metals — the ones you see underneath the glass at a jewelry store. When you wear it, you truly feel like a goddamn king. (This is the type of cock ring that our fav DTD87 wears, ya know?)
Hear us out on this one. It is another pricey toy on the list, but we are obsessed with it. It has a remote control that you tilt and depending on the angle and degree, it actually localizes the vibrations inside of you. So you can hit, say, the front left of your prostate with strong vibrations. You can also move it around in a U-shape, which is what I do, to hit every part of your back prostate.
Social distancing shouldn’t mean that we deprive ourselves of pleasure! Use this time to really explore what you like sexually; that way, when you’re with a real man again (I’m looking at you DTD87), you’ll be able to tell him exactly what you like done to your body.
