Ask Pure: I Have a Mental Block to Being a Bottom

09.01.2020 - Sex Ed

No one asked us but the answer is yes, you should be taking a daily multivitamin.

David from Austin writes, “My boyfriend wants me to bottom for him, and part of me wants to as well. But I just can’t get past the fear of how painful and uncomfortable it is. Is there anything I can do to get past this mental block?”

Fortunately for you, David, this happens to a lot of guys. Sometimes it takes a minute to connect with the pleasure of anal stimulation, and that is totally ok. Most likely, you are afraid of bottoming because you simply haven’t been taught about the natural pleasure points in the rectum and how bottoming can be a safe and healthy sexual experience for anyone, not just gay men.
Sadly, most gay men are taught from a young age to relate anal sex to something unnatural and, therefore, shameful or wrong. This is because sex education is so lacking that even if you did have it in school, it was most likely an abstinence-based heterosexual perspective. In fact, if gay sex was mentioned at all, it was only in relation to the risk of HIV and other STIs. No wonder you have a mental block!

The first step to being comfortable with being a bottom is to understand that, just like with any other type of sex, there is a right way and a wrong way to do it. Everybody is different, so it is up to you to explore what feels good with your partner and what does not. From the type of lube you use to the way he moves, there is a pleasure point for you to discover.
So here is our advice… Don’t jump all in at once. Start with a little anal stimulation, whether it be a finger or a tongue, or whatever your imagination desires. The more you associate pleasure with your anus, the more comfortable you will be with going to the next level. And most importantly, communicate with your partner so that both of you can learn from one another and learn what feels good to both of you.
The truth is that there is no such thing as a top or bottom, only people who enjoy topping and enjoy bottoming. You should only bottom if you truly enjoy it, but chances are you will if you learn to connect with the pleasure of anal stimulation. Take it easy, take it slow, and we think you may be grabbing your ankles in ecstasy in no time.

Until things start to pick up, make the most out of your open calendar by reconnecting with friends who you are typically too busy for.