Being a “good” bottom has nothing to do with the top. Not a damn thing. It doesn’t matter how big of a dick or toy you can sit on, or how sturdy your knees are in the cowboy position. Being a good bottom is all about you, baby: it means you’re confident, relaxed and equipped and able to enjoy a sexual experience.
We all worry too much during sex. We worry about how we look, how we perform, and if we’ll live up to the elaborate fantasy we’ve created while sexting. The problem is this worry prevents us from fully enjoying the experience because we’re spending too much time in our heads and neglect what’s going on in our holes.
So to help you become the best, most confident bottom on the Grindr grid, take a peek at the suggestions below and determine which could benefit you the next time you’re face down in your bedspread.
Being a good bottom is all about you, baby: it means you’re confident...
Boundaries are important when having sex, especially when you’re in a vulnerable and/or submissive position. Boundaries are pre-negotiated guidelines that all parties are to respect before, during and after sex.
Custom in queer culture, asking someone what they’re “into” is setting boundaries, in a way, because you’re both expressing what you enjoy and what you don’t enjoy sexually.
When things get physical, it’s important you maintain this communication throughout because there’s no way your partner will know how you’re feeling unless you say something. If you need them to go slow, tell them. If they need to re-lube, tell them. If you’re getting sore and need a break, tell them. If they’re observant, body language can be an effective communication tool as well.
Boundaries can change over time, even within a single session. For example: you may not want to get pounded right away but, as your sphincter muscles relax, you may become open to the idea. Because this isn’t a comedy roast, you should tell your partner when you’re enjoying yourself as well. Everybody loves a compliment, especially during sex.
Lube yourself properly.
Since our bums don’t lubricate themselves, we need lube (and lots of it) to ensure that penetration is comfortable, pleasurable and to prevent injury. The mistakes we often make when lubing is one: we’re too conservative with the amount, and two: we often lube just the penis and the outside of our holes.
While it’s certainly better than nothing, you’d be better prepared if you also lube the inside the anus and rectum. Proper anal lubrication, at least in my opinion, is a three-step process. You’ll want to lubricate the entire penis, the hole and, since the penis or toy is presumably going inside of you, you’ll want to hit that area as well.
Adequately lubricating the rectum can be difficult, but a lube applicator was created for this exact purpose. If you’re not interested in purchasing one, you can lubricate and insert an anal sex toy. If you have the time, you can do this just prior to your partner’s arrival, or it can be some fun foreplay for the two of you. Plus, using a toy is a great way to dilate prior to penetration.
How to Bottom: How to Guide
Learning how to bottom can open up whole new universes of pleasure for you and your partner(s). And if you're not sure where to start, we've put together a handy how-to guide for learning how to start bottoming. Read More
Know how to tend to injury.
Injuries are inevitable with anal sex since the area is so delicate and sensitive. The most common anal ailments are fissures (anal tearing), hemorrhoids and anal skin tags. If you regularly engage in anal sex, you can expect one or more of these to occur at some point in your bottoming career.
Of course, should you feel any non-consented pain during anal sex, stop what you’re doing since you don’t want to make things worse. But alas, the damage has been done, and it’s time you start the healing process.
Once you’ve digitally saged your account, replace the toxicity with accounts that are supportive, body-positive and make you happy. “I like to follow people like Lizzo, Taylor Swift and Doug the Pug,” Masterson says. “Accounts that I know (for me) are never gonna post something that makes me feel bad about myself.”
Since we tend to use this area regularly (everybody poops!) healing can take a while––anywhere from a few days to a few weeks with the occasional setback. During this time, take Epsom salt baths and use stool softeners as well as suppositories like Preparation H to keep any pain or discomfort to a minimum. Ibuprofen helps with pain and inflammation, whereas others swear by CBD oil.
If the injury lasts longer than a few weeks, consider seeing a doctor. A doctor’s visit may help you better understand what’s happening and prevent surgical necessity.
They say if you don’t use it, you lose it, and that’s what happens if you don’t regularly exercise your anal muscles. Like any muscle, the sphincter needs regular exercise to function at its full capacity.
When you take a few weeks off, these muscles are going to hurt when you use them again, just as your biceps would if you quit going to the gym. Generally speaking, you should train your anal muscles two to three times a week (with a toy or partner) to keep the area flexible.
Anal sex often requires planning. The issue being that sex is often spontaneous and we don’t always have access to running water and a douche bulb (though, in a pinch, a water bottle will do).
If and when you find yourself in this circumstance, a fiber-rich diet while supplementing with fiber pills and powder can offer peace of mind knowing that you’ve done all you can to naturally prevent a messy situation.
As mentioned in a previous blog post, a diet rich in fiber is better for your body and more effective than douching, since the latter tends to irritate cells in the area, leaving it drier and sometimes messier than if you’d done nothing at all.
Since bums tend to get sweaty, we may not feel comfortable with somebody going downtown without a self-assuring cleanse beforehand. Wet wipes are a quick and portable solution. Bring them in a backpack, keep them in the glove compartment in your car. Whatever, whenever and wherever works for you.
Pure for Men’s gentle wipes were designed with sex in mind, cleaning the booty and eliminating odors with ingredients including aloe, vitamin E and micellar, making them an effective solution for even the most sensitive of bums.