Things getting stale? 5 ways to revive your relationship.

Do you ever look at your boyfriend and feel a simultaneous mix of guilt and resentment for what’s lacking between you two? Do you catch yourself fantasizing about what life would be like if you weren’t together, but then immediately shove that down because you know you love him and would never do anything to jeopardize what you guys have? Or maybe you just feel a little bit bored. Whatever you are feeling, oftentimes this is just a regular part of long-term relationships, sort of the lull after the initial infatuation that often feels so stimulating and intense. Let’s get into some solutions on how to bring some life back to your love life, or at least give you some options you may not have seen.

Role-playing

Go to a bar with your man, put on something you usually don’t wear. Adopt an accent and a fake name, for example, a British heir named Winslow. To top it all off, create a fake back story for yourself. Tell your man to rinse and repeat. Once you've got your fake identities mastered, have the date as if you were two completely different people. Two sexy strangers playing a game of seduction.

What this allows you to do is safely see what it would be like to be with someone else and the excitement that comes with it. Outside of that, this activity can bring the play back into your lives. While yes, it has sexual undertones, playing pretend is something we all have done in childhood, and can be strangely healing, offering a whole new level of intimacy between you and your partner.

Take a trip together

When things are feeling stale, you might need a change of environment to put things in perspective. A lot of the time, when we are unsatisfied with another person, it points to something within ourselves that we aren’t happy with. By changing the environment, you’ll be able to see if it’s the person or something else about your life that is really bugging you. Go on a camping trip to reconnect with nature and unplug from your life. Not into dirt? Go to a random city you’ve never been to. By embracing something new with your partner, you’ll create a whole new sense of adventure and excitement while learning more about yourself.

Spice up the bedroom

If it’s your sex life that needs help, then you are definitely in the right place. Maybe that means trying our Ready Rings for extra blood flow and stimulation. Need a better lube? We have long-lasting silicone-based and water-based lubricants if you are looking for variety. Does your man need to stay harder and last longer? I suggest using the Peak Performance Pack, formulated to increase blood flow and physical stamina. If things still feel stale, take a trip to your local sex shop with your man and pick out toys to use on each other. Keep an open mind and be willing to try out new things, and you may just find the spice you two were looking for.

Talk

Terrifying, isn’t it? Saying how you truly feel and being honest with others is absolutely disgusting, but absolutely necessary. If your attempts to create change between the two of you aren’t working, it’s a sign that you need to put on your big-girl panties and speak up. If you aren’t happy, there is no way for your partner to make the necessary changes without knowing what they are. He can’t read your mind.

If all else fails, just break up

If breaking up with your boyfriend has zero fans, then we are dead. If you feel trapped, if you feel like there is no way to solve what is wrong, get up, splash some water on your face, and do the hard thing. It’s unfair to yourself and the person you are dating to fake contentment or feelings just to keep your identity in a relationship. You are more than just a partner; you are an individual first. If you sacrifice that, then you really do have nothing.

Relationships, especially in the modern age, aren’t easy. We are constantly exposed to what we lack and what we think we need, which can add a whole new level of insecurity to relationships that already naturally ebb and flow. For gays especially, we often operate out of fear, because for us, chances for relationships seem to be much more sparse than our straight counterparts. However, you can’t live like that and evolve as a person. You aren’t bad for being bored or unsatisfied in your relationships, and you deserve to be happy. The real fact of the matter is that you probably just need to switch things up and be honest with yourself. When that happens, a chance for deeper intimacy grows, and you are more aligned with the right relationship choices for you.

Written by Cartie Whitelaw, Staff Writer @ Pure for Men

Cartie writes about queer wellness, identity, and finding confidence through community and self-care.

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